Shy Guy Help

Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

For years I thought seduction was something bad. Something “bad” men did to”sweet”  innocent women. Seduction in my mind was manipulative and corrupt. Seduction was “taking advantage” of a woman, tricking her into having sex with a man against her will.

So if I held that belief as a shy guy, of course I could do nothing  remotely sexy with a woman. I had to be a safe, boring “nice guy”. God forbid somebody suspect that I was actually attracted to women sexually (or know how to give a women and endless series of earth shattering orgasms)!

It’s like I thought that in order to be successful with women, I had to be a bad person. I didn’t want to be a bad person so I choose to be a frustrated chump. Can you relate to this at all?

Years of struggle and research later it really and finally dawned on me that:

1. Women want to be seduced. Seduction is the dance of desire that women are neurologically wired for.
2. Women love sex as much as guys do. In fact in most ways they are our sexual superior. They just want it in ways that are outside our male understanding. No one gave us the manual. For the average guy a woman’s “dials and gauges” are as complicated and intimidating as the cockpit of an F-16 fighter jet.
3. Men may get turned on by a woman’s looks, her body type. It’s a visual stimulus response that we’ve developed over our life time. Women are stimulated by words, by stories, by the way they feel around a certain man. By Energy.

The greatest gift you can give to a woman is to get over your old shy guy routine and learn how to stop worrying about yourself and what others think and start creating sensual and rich experiences for women…they way they want it.

One of the best sources of information about this is from a brilliant teacher and NLP trainer named Ross Jeffries. Now when I first heard about him I thought he was anti-relationship and just about helping guys get laid at the expense of integrity. I was wrong.

Again I was operating under the old belief that seduction was bad. Because Ross Jeffries is all about getting guys results. I have since learned that he is more than anything an advocate for a woman’s right to be able to feel the kinds of feelings most women long to feel but most guys are clueless about how to deliver.

For me personally, I recently had two experiences that “forced” me to take my own seduction skills to the next level.

1. I met a woman on match.com who I fell in love with and totally scared off because I was too honest and direct!
2. As consolation I chatted up a lovely barista in Starbucks and totally bumbled and blundered my way through trying to get her phone number.

Now in my new world view both of those experiences were successes because I actually did something other than what I used to do in my shy guy days.

But, the feedback I gave myself was. “Time to learn what to do with the ones I really want.” I was doing well with the women I wasn’t that interested in but the ones I really was attracted to? Crash and burn.

Enter Ross Jeffries.  I got his basic Speed Seduction Course and it has totally changed my outlook on dating, romance, seduction, women and relationships.

I’ll be exploring more of his work in future posts, but do yourself a favor and check this out now, get it and start immediately applying it. Let me know when you go ahead and choose to do it. I’m here to help with the process.

Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction

Mark Shepard

p.s. leave a comment below or e-mail me at mark [at]markshepard.com if you are interested in joining a ShyGuyHelp Seduction Master Mind so you can get ongoing support in this area of your life. – M

you can argue for your limitations

or you can embrace your own magnificence

I met an amazing woman recently on match.com

She was unique and fascinating. We had so much in common. She had these pics up on her profile of her riding a beautiful black stallion while she was dressed up as a Viking or Valkarie or Amazon woman warrior. Wow! I was intrigued.

She loved books. We had so much in common.

She was a deep dreamer and a profound thinker. Our first date sped by. We had coffee. Then went for a walk in downtown New Haven. I took her to some of my favorite places.

I’ve been on enough dates by now to know when a woman is interested. She seemed genuinely interested. The conversation flowed freely. We shared dreams we’d had…We ended up having dinner at a cute little Thai Restaurant.

When she left. I felt like:

“Wow! I finally met someone who is truly worth my time. Someone who I could imagine spending the rest of my life with. Someone who I could really and truly be my self with.Someone who is different  from all the boring little suburban 40 something chicks on Match.com”

Danger!

I couldn’t sleep that night.

I called her for another date and she agreed to the following Monday which was Memorial day.

I went away for the weekend to visit my Dad and I just couldn’t wait to get back to get to know this incredible woman more. I just wanted to spend time with her. To hear her life story. To connect on deep and profound levels.

Danger!

She canceled. Something about forgetting that she had a standing date on Memorial day with her Dad. Well since I had just spent the weekend with my Dad I could certainly understand…but I was really disappointed. I was kind of crushed. I had this amazing fantasy date all lined up in my mind…

Smack! Wake up Call!

I realized I was way, way farther ahead in my fantasy land of “True Love” then she was.

So I managed it and asked her about the following Saturday.

Her reply was vague. “I have to look at my calendar”

Hmm. (danger Markie!)

Then the next communication I had from her was that she needed some time to herself to ponder some things. “It has nothing to do with you” she said.

uh huh…

My advice to any of my shy guy clients at this point would be to take charge of your emotions. Pay attention to what you are doing with your internal representations: Your self talk, your pictures, where in your body you are feeling your emotions. (In NLP we call this submodalities click here to learn more about my Modern Jedi NLP Mind Mastery Course where you can learn all about this)

At this point I realized I had to do my NLP “Fall out of Love Fast” technique. Here’s how I run this pattern. Please keep in mind how you “do” falling in love is a process unique to you but this will give you and idea of what’s possible.

Step 1: Checked in with my internal screen and noticed her picture was big and bright and close and in the center of my internal screen.

Again, remember, however you represent to yourself that you are in love is the way YOU do it. This is what I do.

Step 2: So I shrank her down and moved her towards the lower left hand corner of my internal screen, where I keep the images of women who I used to be madly in love with but who I’m just friends with now.

I didn’t shrink her all the way down to Mary Jane in 7th grade or to my ex wife.  Just shrank the pic enough to get my head out of my own butt and get a little distance and perspective on this person.

Step 3: Repeat as necessary.

Did this a few times and I felt better and less urgently yearning for this woman. Whew…

To make a long story short. We eventually did have another date and she proceeded to tell me how screwed up her life was. I felt my attraction dropping…dropping…dropping…

And so I continuously monitored my internal state and managed to turn the whole thing into a learning experience.

At one point she told me point blank: ” I don’t know why, but I just don’t feel attracted to you”.  She was even afraid to tell me because she didn’t want to crush my little heart. But I was way ahead of her. By that time I couldn’t care less if she liked me or not. She had bascially disqualified herself.

As Ross Jeffires says: “I never get rejected. I only discover whether a woman has good taste or not.”

When you take charge of your emotions you are in control. Now it took me a little while to get back into a neutral state. But I did it.

In the past I would have been a mess for weeks and even months.

So I learned some things. And I think that’s really the main point I’m trying to get across to you guys. No matter what happens with any particular woman if you use it to learn and grow then it gives you power.

God bless all women! For they are a gift to men who chose to grow and learn and to hone their warrior spirits on the sharpening stone of love.

Lessons here?

1. If any woman does not prove herself to be worthy or if she’s not at the same place in life that you are, shrink her down and mover her aside or whatever you need to do in your internal world so that you are not drooling and making her out to be the last woman on earth. “The One” is a Very Dangerous construct because it builds expectations and can lead to that horrible crash when you discover you’ve been dating your own fantasy…
2. Also, I’ve noticed when I voice my enthusiasm for a woman too soon, it seems to scare them. The women I’ve been kind of luke warm with, seem to want to play by my rules more. They try to prove themselves to me. It seems so stupid but it is part of all of these ancient and immutable “laws” that govern human behavior. More about that in another post.
3. I also stepped up my “being friendly to women on the street and in other places” practice so that I could definitely feel like I had lots of options.
4. I also began to focus back on the other women I’m dating and paying attention to their many great qualities. I hung out with one of them on a Tuesday evening and we had great sex and a great talk about how we really enjoy each other’s company but don’t want to make any long term commitments at the moment etc.

Even though I temporarily fell out of my place of personal power with this woman. I am happy because I got back to it and I also allowed it to die an early death rather than jump into a relationship with an attractive but flaky and emotionally unstable woman.

Ding! Next!

Here are a couple of afformations for you:

• Why do I choose the women in my life?
• Why do I stay in my place of benevolent power in my relationships with women?
• Why do I choose to learn from any and every experience with women and to focus on the positive learnings?

Now get out there and say “hi” to at least 3 women every day.

- Mark

Welcome to Shy Guy Help!

This is a blog format website that is dedicated to helping shy guys like you overcome the crap that has held you back all your life. You know what I’m talking about:

• You see a pretty woman and you freeze.
• You get called on in class and you freeze.
• Most likely if you’ve ever been out on a date the woman iniatiated it.
• Many of you have never even been on a date much less lost your virginity.
• Or if you’ve dated and met a woman who actually seemed to want you, you took what you could get and got stuck in a relationship that is less than you’d dreamed of…but you stay because you either can’t face being alone or you’re afraid of hurting her…

Been there. Done that. It sucked.

Out of desperation, I learned some extremely powerful tools of transformation that I’ve used to blast through the shyness.  Faster than I ever thought possible. Once I was able to clear the fear and manage my needy awkwardness around women, I needed to learn how to actually communicate with them the way women truly want to be connected with. Honestly. Always now with the confidence that with or without a particular woman in my life I’m fine.

What would it be like to be the chooser?

What would it be like to be the kind of guy that women pine for and fantasize about their whole lives?

First we work on the inner game. We clear the old programs, doubts, false beliefs and habits of thought that keep you miserable.

Then we build step by step a solid foundation of empowered confidence with which to move out into the worlds with superior tools to meet, and seduce the kinds of women you want. Then we fine tune it thourhg the process of real relationship skills.

I’m excited to get started!

It’s something that nobody teaches us guys. We either see the pushy jerks who are always coming on to women and getting nothing but ridicule or scorn (don’t want to be like them). Or, we see the thoughtless bullies who treat women like objects and we don’t want to be like them either.

I can help you get through all the learning curves easily and rapidly so you will be exploring her curves in record time.

I’ve helped shy college guys and shy older guys. I’ve helped men and women of all ages in my NLP practice overcome anxiety, panic attacks, fear, phobias, self sabotage, low self esteem. Because I originally learned NLP, hypnosis and Time Line Therapy™ in order to overcome my own shyness and inability to meet and get to know the kinds of women I truly wanted, I “get” you more than most other coaches or therapists.

There’s lots of information out here on the web for how to date and seduce women. But none of it specifically addresses the shy man in such a way that you can overcome the terror that freezes you and causes you to shrink down and disappear. That’s what this blog is all about.

This is the very first post and a lot more is on the way and you will be too.

Mark Shepard, NLPT